I just read something brilliant on the internet that sums up my entire psyche when I get angry and upset and frustrated and exhausted:
"His instinct is to fix it, and that's not at all what I want. I don't want him to open the jar of pickles. I want him to understand HOW FRUSTRATED I AM THAT I CANNOT DO IT MYSELF, and then he needs to let me enumerate on every other issue that THAT GODDAMN JAR OF PICKLES is bringing to the surface."
Of course it was written by Dooce (mommy blogger/writer) (and if you aren't reading her blog because she is a mommy blogger you really need to suck it up and get over yourself because she's brilliant). I want to have her children or at least dog-sit for her once.
ANYWAY - when I read that I almost did one of those cartoon head slaps. I have a tendency (that I am working on) to get upset at whatever problem and then get really upset at whatever problem. I reach a point where I can't see the forest for the trees and every wronged that has ever wronged me is brought the surface and I have to expel all of it by re-hashing. It sucks and it is emotionally exhausting.
I think a lot of women deal with issues like this. When I get mad or upset I usually end up crying because I get so frustrated at the situation and I hate it. But I know sooooo many other women who react this way too. But I also know a lot of other women who don't. Of course, there are several in that group who don't really talk about emotion or tell the truth about their feelings.
What is the right way to deal? I dunno. I've been trying to find a happy medium and it is really hard. Thoughts? How do you deal with really big issues?
5 comments:
That is a man/woman thing...universal I think...
I try to walk away and rationalise but am really rubbish at it...
I can relate so much to what you are saying. I not only get worked up over all past wrongs but I get furious over anticpated wrongs that have not occurred yet and probabl won't even happen. I have to talk myself off the cliff when this happens and it takes some effort. So, I am standing in front of the mirror having an angry conversation with nobody in particular over something that hasn't happened but would really piss me off if it did. Of course, the imaginary scenario is always based on history so it's not completey unwarranted but still...what a waste of time and emotional energy.
This is so familiar. I read some book (forgot what it was) that talked about an "elevator" of emotion.
There are ten floors. On the ground floor, you're pretty stable. On the tenth floor, you've completely lost it.
If you walk in your kitchen and see what you think is a snake slithering from under your fridge, your elevator shoots up to the eighth floor, but then you realize it's just little guy's toy rubber snake. With this realization, the elevator comes back down, but it doesn't come all the way to the ground floor. Your adrenaline still has you on the second floor.
Then you can't find your car keys. Anger, frustration, etc. pushes the elevator back up to six. You find them and the elevator goes down, but settles at around the third floor.
For some reason this always helps me when I get frustrated with myself for getting frustrated about small things. I think (for some people) things that have happened in our past have shut us off from those lower floors of stability, so little things send us over the edge much quicker.
Does this make sense?
P.S. And I do the same thing that portraits in sepia does. Imagined conversations get me all riled up. It's so ridiculous. Or, as a friend of mine says, "It's so human."
Sometimes I fell like I invented this problem: the re-hashing, imaginary conversations, one-thing-wrong-means-everything-is-wrong scenario. I mean, I know I didn't actually invent it - it's totally universal - but I feel like it's a major problem sometimes.
No one may want to hear this, but something that's really helped me is meditation practice. And reading alot of books along that vein. For me, it's a matter of trying to accept "what is" without judgment, put my ego in check and then try to solve the problem. But I can't try to solve the problem until I've accepted it for what it is, without judgment...
Which often takes a long time because I am human...and they do call it meditation "practice"!!
But, I hear you ladies!
Sometimes I fell like I invented this problem: the re-hashing, imaginary conversations, one-thing-wrong-means-everything-is-wrong scenario. I mean, I know I didn't actually invent it - it's totally universal - but I feel like it's a major problem sometimes.
No one may want to hear this, but something that's really helped me is meditation practice. And reading alot of books along that vein. For me, it's a matter of trying to accept "what is" without judgment, put my ego in check and then try to solve the problem. But I can't try to solve the problem until I've accepted it for what it is, without judgment...
Which often takes a long time because I am human...and they do call it meditation "practice"!!
But, I hear you ladies!
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